please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
