i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I am available for nakedness
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
