Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
