I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
