I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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