dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
