Welp...herpes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
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I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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