So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
