Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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