I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize