Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
