we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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