The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
