I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My pussy is not your playground.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
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I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
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i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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