Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
