i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
