somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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