his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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