so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
