i was rollin on her like bob the builder
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
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Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
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It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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