I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
