Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
