i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
