she looked like the bat from fern gully.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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