Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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