Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
