maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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