The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
A+ Viking dick
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
