So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
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I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
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Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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