he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
