Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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