walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize