I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
