omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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