Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
