If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
