she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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