If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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