I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
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