sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
