Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
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When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
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He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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