I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
