Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
