god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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