I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
