she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
