foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
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