I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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