Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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