is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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