You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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