She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If I die, sorry about rent.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
