did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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