People with herpes should wear stickers.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
