My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
