apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
