remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
