I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
