note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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