Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
