new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
