I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
So. Much. Porn.
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