You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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