help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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